


To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depressing, Episode: s08e10 Torn and Frayed, Gen, Post-Torn And Frayed, References to Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 00:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel returns to Heaven only to find out something that utterly destroys him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

**Author's Note:**

> I would suggest not reading this.
> 
> Seriously. If you enjoy being happy, go away. Now. Shoo.
> 
> Alright, if you're still here...well, have fun.
> 
> (Spoiler alert: you won't).
> 
> The idea for this came from the fact that Naomi was transparent in two parts of Torn and Frayed. You probably won't like it. I don't like it. But this story came out anyway. If you're here because you read Sleep in Heavenly Peace and you're expecting something sweet and funny, this is NOT the story for you.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

Castiel lifts Samandriel's vessel off the dirty ground. He carefully cradles the broken body of, as Dean put it, "Heaven's most adorable angel." The hunter wasn't far from the truth; the angel of imagination was young and much beloved by all of heaven. Castiel knows his death will not be taken well, but he had no choice. His memories are oddly muddled, but he knows that much. He had no other option.

_Kill him. That's an order, Castiel._

There are these memories of a woman, these vague pictures of someone with red hair and a suit - no, not a woman, she's another angel - and she's telling Castiel something but he can't remember most of it. His head hurts even more when he tries to think about it, so he doesn't. He's got more than enough on his hands, quite literally; he's still holding his brother's empty vessel in his arms. The blood is soaking through his trench coat, but he still clutches Samandriel close to his chest. He regrets killing his brother so very much, but it was the only thing he could have done. Wasn't it? He didn't have another option. Did he?

Castiel disappears from Earth and returns to Heaven, holding the limp body in his arms. He hears a cry of anguish and Sophia, angel of wisdom, runs to his side. "Castiel, what happened?" she asks in a horrified voice. Castiel closes his eyes.

"He was being tortured by Crowley. I went to save him and then…" Castiel closes his eyes more tightly; he can't remember what happened next. He thinks that it was because Samandriel attacked him, but at the same time, he feels like that's not true. He still remembers the woman, the angel, ordering him to do something. He's not sure what, but it was something that he didn't want to do, but he had to anyway. The thoughts are a little more substantial now than they were when he was on earth, which doesn't make much sense but is true nonetheless.

"Castiel?" Sophia asks, looking concerned. "Are you well?"

"There was another angel. She gave me an order," Castiel says, thinking hard. He just…can't… _remember_ … And then it's suddenly in his mind and he knows everything that he's forgotten.

"Her name is Naomi. She ordered me to kill Samandriel because he told Crowley about the angel tablet. I didn't want to, but she made me."

Sophia frowned. "Castiel…there is no angel named Naomi," she replies, almost cautiously.

"What?" Castiel demanded, confused. "But…but she rescued me from Purgatory."

Sophia's look grew sympathetic. "Castiel, you rescued yourself from Purgatory. Naomi does not exist."

"No," Castiel says firmly. What Sophia's saying is beginning to scare him. "No, Naomi exists. She's an angel. She rescued me from Purgatory and has been calling me up to Heaven periodically. She made me kill Samandriel. It was not my choice!"

"Castiel, there is no angel named Naomi," Sophia says again, and Castiel can feel himself trembling. He gently lays Samandriel's body on the ground.

"But I've  _seen_  her," he protests, almost petulantly. Sophia looks pitying and Castiel hates it.

"Castiel, can you be sure of what you saw?" she asks. "After all, when Sam Winchester was having his hallucinations, you took his insanity into your own mind. Such a thing would leave a scar."

Castiel's trembling has evolved into full-fledged shaking. The thought that Sophia has spoken, the idea she has planted… "So Naomi was my version of Sam's hallucination of Lucifer," Castiel whispers. Sophia nods.

"I believe so, Castiel," she whispers back. And it feels like Castiel's been ripped open because that means that  _he killed Samandriel_. There is no excuse for it. He killed his brother, his sweet, innocent brother, and for no reason. And he's not fixed, he's not sane. He's still broken.

And who's to say he won't kill someone again?

"Castiel, you should stay here. We can help you and-Castiel!" But Sophia's cries are ignored as Castiel goes down to Earth, going for the two people who can help him.

The Winchesters.

He's almost at the cabin when he feels pain and recognizes it; it's the wards he taught them earlier that night. They're using them against him. At first, Castiel's almost angry, then he realizes it's probably a good idea - what if he had another hallucination and killed the Winchester brothers this time? He can't help but picture it, with their broken bodies on the floor and his bloody angel blade in his hand and-

No. That cannot be allowed to happen. Castiel will do whatever it takes to stop that from occurring.

And there's really only one way out.

Castiel wonders what happens when an angel dies. They don't go to Heaven, obviously, so perhaps they go to Hell? But he can't picture that; angels are creatures of Heaven. They would not be damned to such a place. Perhaps it's just nothingness. That's what he hopes.

Castiel's angel blade slides into his hand.

* * *

Sam and Dean are arguing when there's a sudden burst of pure white light from outside the cabin. Dean stops mid-sentence and races outside to see what happened, Sam at his heels. At first, he doesn't see anything, then he catches a glimpse of a trench coat.

Dean's heart sinks as he runs over to the little bit of tan fabric he can see. As he gets closer and closer, he sees more and more of the coat and the person wearing it. It's Castiel.

And he's got his own angel blade sticking out of his chest.

"No," Dean whispers brokenly, his eyes filling with tears almost instantly. "No no no no no, goddamn it!" The angel's blue eyes are open and glassy and  _empty_ , and Dean can't handle it so he closes them gently with his hand. Then he gathers Castiel into his arms and cries, cradling the angel's head against his chest.

"Cas, you stupid, idiotic, brainless…" Dean's words trail off as his tears choke him. Sam's standing a little ways behind him, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. Dean leans forward to press a chaste - and watery - kiss to Castiel's forehead.

This time, a horrible feeling in his gut tells him, Castiel is gone for good.


End file.
